How to Heal Your Heart After Baby Loss
BABY LOSS ENGLISH
How to Heal Your Heart After Baby Loss
Before I start exploring the concept of healing, I want to tell you that I am very sorry for your loss. No one should experience such a devastating loss and yet, you are not alone.
When my son Simon died in February 2016 I felt heartbroken. I literally felt like a piece of my heart is missing and the pain coming from that loss could never be repaired.
I am writing this now because I want you to know that it can.
I often read comments on social media from bereaved parents that are telling each other how the pain never goes away and how it will always hurt. I am very sorry they feel this way, but I want to give you hope that you can heal and that you can stop suffering.
There are a few things I discovered to be important when it comes to healing.
Firstly, often people say “time heals all wounds.”, I say “healing takes time.”
Healing is a verb and you can take an active part in your healing process. I’ll share some tools here.
Secondly, everyone is different. There is no one way to heal, one thing to do, no magic pill. I would love to snap my fingers and help you to feel better, but you wouldn’t even want that, because grieving, the pain, the hurt are a part of acknowledging our babies. So give yourself all the time you need to heal and do the things when you are ready.
Thirdly, don’t beat yourself up for what you are experiencing. Often, w tend to compare ourselves with others or even with ourselves before we lost our baby.
We beat ourselves up for what we do, feel, think or what we do not do, feel or think. Start allowing yourself to be.
Maybe you are staying in bed today, you are doubling your relationship, you’re wondering if you have the right job, you have no motivation to do anything, you can’t accomplish as much as before or anything at all, maybe you felt joy today and you started to beat yourself up. Talking down to yourself will hinder your healing. If you start allowing yourself to experience your feelings, your thoughts and what’s going on in your body you are on the best way to heal.
But how? Healing is holistic because we are. Every experience we make impacts our body mind and soul. Did you know that trauma is stored in the body? Some of your emotions are created by your thoughts and some of your thoughts are created by your emotions. The past impacts the now and the now impacts the future.
That means you can heal in many different ways, but you don’t need to do all of them and you don’t need to do them all at once.
You can heal by talking about your baby, journaling and meditating. Healing comes through acknowledging how you feel. You can heal by working with a counsellor, therapist or coach like me. Other aspects that can help support your healing are forgiveness, gratitude, energy work, breathwork, creating art, music and more. You can work on your habits, beliefs and heal your inner child and there are many more ways to heal yourself.
The most important thing is that you can heal and be happy and you still love your baby. You didn’t have a choice when it comes to your loss, but you have a choice when it comes to how you heal.
One thing I mentioned was journaling. Journaling helped me in many ways after losing my son, as well as in other challenging situations in my life. There are many different forms of journaling. You could write letters to your baby, to your past self, to your future self or just write down your thoughts as they arise. As a transformational coach, I appreciate questions.
Questions can bring clarity and light into areas that we did not notice before. Here are a few questions you could ask yourself. Writing down the answers helps to not get up in a thought spiral.
What does healing mean to me? Do I think healing is a process I have an impact on?
What are the things that I am not allowing myself to feel, think or do? Where am I judging myself? What do I need to let go of?